Thursday, August 10, 2017

// My brave Liam tattoo

You are my first. You are my light. You are three. You have a diagnosis and while the medical term is Autism you are still Liam. You made me a mama. You changed my entire view of the world. I have cried. I have thrown myself on the ground screaming why. I've held you tightly after a hard day. I've kissed your face while you looked at me and smiled. 
You wrapped your arms around me the other day while I was buckling you in your seat and you leaned me in and held me so tight. I whispered, "I love you bubba. Thank you for giving mama grace. I love you." 

You look at me while you try to figure out words. You put orange juice on my head in the morning and hand me your cup to fill it. I don't always understand you and sometimes that makes us both very upset. You love your letter games & trains & cars lately. You put on your backpack to go to school. You are seriously bright & so smart it's sort of scary sometimes. You love your brother except when he tries to take your toy or kindle but you share your other toys. 

Autism is a strange thing. It's something I don't understand but has changed the way we do things. I know you love your family & I know you're eager to learn. I'm not sure what your or our future holds or entails. I'm not sure what parts of Autism will long term effect. I do know I'm trying everyday to be a better mama to you. I'm trying everyday to advocate for you. Love you. Hug you. Get you every type of therapy possible. Do my absolute best and apologize when I don't. 

I got this for you. To remind me how special you are. I'll look down at my arm and realize what a gift I got - Not a burden. Is it easy? Hell no. You were given to me to love & care for & cherish and make you the best possible version of yourself and everyday I'll strive to do just that. 

I love you my brave Liam. You are a puzzle piece our family needed & the world needs.